The other day I was on Skype with my friends from my master's degree. In Germany, we were always a very diverse and international group. They called us the United Nations at parties because literally, there was one person from each continent. I don't remember how we all ended up together. The master was small, but even so, we all became close to each other. They are the kind of people who come into your life, transform it and redefine your definition of true friendship. I lived abroad in France and Germany. As a person who travels frequently, I have met different people who made me question what true friendship actually is.
So can traveling and studying abroad give you real friendships?
1. Expect to find real friendships at the weirdest places
How I met my two best friends from Germany? One in a Bla Bla Car from Berlin to Kassel. We talked for 4 hours about our travels and Mexico. The other was my coworker in Mexico. We loved each other's outfits and worked pretty well together.
How did I meet my best friends from Colombia? One over a Facebook Group of Latinas in Berlin (go figure!) and the other, on my first day of my master's degree, standing in the line to receive my library card.
2. Of course, common interests!
The first time I lived abroad in southern France, I made friends who spoke Spanish very quickly. One of them was my neighbor. We laughed, cried, and discovered we had the same interests in style and education. We became really close. Since 2012 we have a beautiful friendship.
3. Share the hard life
I think this is the main reason behind true friendships because it allows for bonding. During my master's degree, one of my friends sent part of his scholarship back home so his family could send his siblings to school. I suffered from panic attacks back then, so when he confessed his situation to me, we built empathy with one another and became much closer. Other friends were working at cafes, restaurants, Pizza Hut, and DHL to have an income. The master was tough already to keep a part-time job selling burgers at McDonald's. I have never experienced such hard work, so seeing my friends struggle made me more compassionate and thankful.
4. Authenticity & No Judgements
My friends from the master did not have anything to hide. They talked freely about anything because they did not fear being judged. I guess that is what they taught me the most: to be myself without caring if others will judge me. Actually, for my friends who went back to their home countries after the master's degree, it was even more difficult than staying in Germany. We all agreed that when we went back, we were not the same. Yes, the culture and life felt the same, but we did not fit in anymore.
In my case, the first thing I realized when I met my old friends is that I did not have anything in common with them anymore. It is like being at a dinner, someone tells a joke, and everyone is laughing, but you can't laugh because you were at the toilet. Sorry, you missed it! And even if you tried to stay in touch, well, you were never present. Of course, people also move on, change, and in some way, you are forgotten. When you come back, even if you recognize some jokes or gossip, they don't make sense to you anymore. You feel awkward and out of place. You want to integrate again, but it does not feel right.
5. Forgiveness
Sometimes, you might say things you did not mean to say. Also, people will not always be friendly. Truth is, all of my friends who go back to their home countries have lost many friends. My therapist says it is because some people mature in different ways. Could be. In a way, you know you are more mature because you know good friends will accept you even if you have to work at Pizza Hut or DHL; if you have to send money to your family, if you are gay, have anxiety or depression, if your parents are alcoholic or if your husband beats you. I was never brave enough to open up about these topics with my friends in Mexico. Forgive yourself and forgive others.
6. Acceptance
Real friends will accept you, they will always feel happy about your achievements, they will never envy you or try to change you.
I am grateful for my friends now. Maybe we do not see each other so often, but a call or message from them makes me smile every time. Whenever I see them achieving something, I celebrate it like a success of my own. We do not meet every weekend for drinks, but even with a 7 hour time difference, they will call me and talk whenever I have a problem. Most importantly, wherever in the world we are, we are always there for one another, and that is how a true friendship should be.